‘Well, Knipe, my boy. Now that it’s finished, I just called you in to tell you I think you’ve done a fine job.’ Adolph Knipe stood still in front of Mr Bohlen’s desk. There seemed to be no enthusiasm in him at all. ‘Aren’t you pleased?’ ‘Oh yes, Mr Bohlen.’ ‘Did you see what the papers said this morning?’ ‘No, sir, I didn’t.’ The man behind the desk pulled a folded newspaper towards him, and began to read: ‘The building of the great automatic computing engine, ordered by the government some time ago, is now complete. It is probably the fastest electronic calculating machine in the world today. Its function is to satisfy the ever-increasing need of science, industry, and administration for rapid mathematical calculation which, in the past, by traditional methods, would have been physically impossible, or would have required more time than the problems justified. The speed with which the new engine works, said Mr John Bohlen, head of the firm of electrical engineers mainly responsible for its construction, may be grasped by the fact that it can provide the correct answer in five seconds to a problem that would occupy a mathematician for a month. In three minutes, it can produce a calculation that by hand (if it were possible) would fill half a million sheets of foolscap paper. The automatic computing engine uses pulses of electricity, generated at the rate of a million a second, to solve all calculations that resolve themselves into addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. For practical purposes there is no limit to what it can do …’

galactic cafe


Introducing: The Stanley Parable Helpful Development Showcase!

The Stanley Parable Helpful Development Showcase is our way of connecting you to the development of The Stanley Parable by giving you a small look at what’s been going on behind the scenes. Each week we’ll give you a tiny peek into what it takes to make a game like The Stanley Parable, the creative challenges we come up against in the course of development, and how to not judge yourself as a person for the quality of choices you’ve made in your own life. These are just a few of the topics we’ll cover in this incredibly useful blog series.

This week: Creating doors that don’t kill the player

Though doors are generally recognized as being the cornerstone that holds modern society together, what many people don’t realize is that the same principle holds true in video games. The Stanley Parable employs over a thousand doors (one thousand and two, specifically) and if a single one is not functioning properly it threatens the integrity of the entire game. That’s why we’re making sure to go through and test each door thoroughly before shipping it in the final game.

Today I’d like to walk you through the process of inspecting doors to make sure they don’t murder the player for sport.

Here’s an example of a door from The Stanley Parable, as seen in the Hammer level editor, which is being used to create the game:

At first it looks just like any door in any game ever.


you say,

everything appears to be perfectly in order! A 100% functional door! No need to do any sort of testing or inspection or further investigation of this door in any capacity, however small!

Oh little fox, how ignorant you are of the world. Let’s run this game and find out what would actually happen if someone were to play it.

Here’s the player just walking along. Doot da doo, just gonna go right through this door, that’s what I’m doing…

Just gonna go right onto the other side of – BAM!!

You see? Now do you see how wrong you were? About the door?

Oh my god, I didn’t know -

Shh. I don’t need your excuses. I need solutions. Let’s look at how we can fix this horrible problem that you would have ushered unto the world if you were in charge.

First we’ll open up the level editor. There’s the door! Hello!

Great, so far so good. Now we’ll double click on it to open up its parameters.

Aha! Here’s the problem!

You see? Its morality is set to “fuck humans.” With a setting like that you can expect a relatively low likelihood of this door treating humans like the clean, civilized, respectable creatures that they are. Why don’t we adjust this setting to something less unnecessarily hostile?

Much better! Crisis averted. Now comes the task of going through and adjusting this setting individually for each of the thousands of doors (4,258 specifically) throughout The Stanley Parable. It’s grueling work, but if we’re not careful it’s easy to overlook some game-breaking gaffs, like the setting on this door that almost passed under our radar earlier this week:

This door is a door. It is not a frog. Fool me once, as they say.

In the end, game design is about the details. If you’re not applying that razor-sharp attention you run the risk of your game being rude, demoralizing, or racist toward your players. That’s not the kind of game we make, that’s a very different kind of game, made by very different kinds of people. I don’t want to talk about them. You weren’t implying we’re like them, were you?

No, honestly, I never -

Save it. You had your chance and you blew it. That ship has sailed.

Oh my god, please let me out of -


February 6, 2013 by davey 13 comments

13 comments. Add yours!

  1. Harry 2 years ago Reply

    I wonder how a door would define its morality. Probably through some chair-based system.

  2. Alphadin 2 years ago Reply

    I know this is not how it works but gives me a great laugh nonetheless!

  3. Kirby 2 years ago Reply

    I dunno. That door looks an awful lot like a frog to me.

  4. Sergiovan 2 years ago Reply

    What I CAN see is that both those doors are unhealthy…

  5. Code Monkey 2 years ago Reply

    I’m really looking forwards to the next one, this was great!

  6. DrTouchUrSon 2 years ago Reply

    Ahaha, i love your guys’ humor, you guys are great keep up the good work

  7. Yurtex 2 years ago Reply

    I wonder what problems you run into, when you do the lighting. Is your cubemaps are cubes?

  8. This post was linked to from

    Links for February 8, 2013 | Andrzej's Links

  9. Andrew 2 years ago Reply

    This was very funny.
    I too look forward to future installments.
    It’s much better than knowing nothing and waiting (Valve style!).

  10. Jack Parsons 2 years ago Reply


  11. Yelnats 2 years ago Reply

    So are there 1002 or 4258 doors in the game?
    Or did this discrepancy originate from rounding the number?

  12. BeneathaSteelSky 1 year ago Reply

    It’s a gay door, it gave me it’s key and number when I went through ;>)

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